


Shelter From The Bittercold

by Cleopatra (empressofthelight)



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Grieving, Heavy Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, YGO Collab Love, kc winter cup 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28431987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empressofthelight/pseuds/Cleopatra
Summary: After a fire destroys everything in Atem's life, he sits in what's left of his home hoping to follow Yuugi into the cold embrace of death. With the help of his family, he sees not everything is gone.
Relationships: Mutou Yuugi/Yami Yuugi | Atem
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10
Collections: KC Winter Cup 2020





	Shelter From The Bittercold

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Seiyofira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seiyofira/gifts).



> SEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope I made the Goddess of Angst happy with this humble offering. <3 luff youuuuuuu <3

Atem had a dream like this once, sitting in a burned down home staring at the snow fall through a hole in the roof. At least, he thought it was a dream. It was the only explanation for the uncanny feeling of deja-vu watching the fluffy white flakes floating peacefully into a pile on the charred carpet. He didn’t feel cold. Didn’t feel warm. Didn’t feel much of anything, finding the solemnness inside the silent room to mirror himself more than anything. Charred, unrecognizable, frozen and… empty. 

Picking up the glass bottle of whiskey he found in one of the destroyed cabinets, he lifted it to his lips, ignoring his hand shake. He couldn’t feel it but there was no ignoring it. How could he ignore negative temperatures? How could he ignore the snow? 

It was beautiful; flakes as large as cotton balls, floating through the air. Yuugi would have… loved… this. 

_ “You made that for me?” _

_ “Do you like it?” _

_ “I love it!... Wow, his staff lights up!” _

Atem closed his eyes, wanting to see it. Wanted to see the room not cold and dark and empty. Wanted to see it lit up with color and life. Wanted to see the red, green, blue, and purple lights reflecting in Yuugi’s eyes when he hung the little ornament on the tree. He did… so clearly. 

_ Yuugi smiled, his eyes flickering from side to side taking all of the lights, all of the colors all of the shine. “I’ve never had a tree like this before.” _

_ “Neither have I.” _

_ Yuugi turned those shimmering eyes his way and laced their fingers together.  “You know what I’m most excited about?” _

_ “What?” _

_ “This is our first Christmas together. Well I mean…”  Yuugi squeezed his hand, and lifted his shoulders. “Together together. And next year, I get to do this with you again.” _

_ “Are you sure you want to? This is a lot of work.” _

Atem opened his eyes, swearing he heard Yuugi’s sweet laughter fill the empty room. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t even the wind. Maybe it was the whiskey. He took another swig, trying to hold on to that memory, trying to block out the more recent horrors. He just wanted to live in that one little moment for a little longer, keep out the cold and the dark a little longer, but it swept away with the burn of the whiskey. 

Coughing, he swore he smelled smoke then the sterile hospital room. A wave of panic gripped his heart so tight he couldn’t breathe. He screwed his eyes shut and tried to think of the lights, of Yuugi’s smile but all he could think of was opening his eyes to an empty room and hearing Yuugi’s mother scream just outside his door while his grandfather attempted to console her. Of the dullness in his friends’ eyes at the funeral. Of looking in the mirror the first time after the fire and not recognizing himself all over again. 

Choking back a sob, he made himself look at the snow. Think of the snow. Look at the snow. As if Yuugi was in it somehow. Violently shuddering, he wrapped his arms around himself. Death had to still be here somewhere, lurking in the charred nooks and weathered shadows. Why was it taking so long?

A creak of weak wood, shuffling of heavy boots, and a familiar sigh.

“Why are you here Joey?”

“Lookin’ for ya.”

Atem didn’t reply, still focused on the snow, waiting for Joey to try and get him to leave. Nothing surprised him more than to feel warmth beside him and a loud dramatic exhale before a dull thud. Glancing up he took in Joey’s profile, dark circles under closed swollen eyes, his head back against the charred wall. For a moment he felt selfish sitting there waiting for death. Joey was hurting too. 

Uncoiling, he leaned back against the wall too, looking up at the hole in the ceiling. There was nothing he could do to help Joey. He couldn’t even help himself. “Where’s Kaiba?”

“Car.”

“I’m not leaving.”

“’Kay.”

“…”

“Ya gonna share or ya bein’ stingy?”

Atem wanted to smile and maybe for a flash of something he did. He turned to the bottle of whiskey and picked it up. “It’s cold.”

“Course it is. Who needs ice when it’s fuckin’ freezin’?” Joey smiled making Atem jealous but at least he was feeling something watching him take the bottle.

They drank in silence while the snow fell. Long enough for even the whiskey and his numbness to not help with the cold. He wanted to ignore it, wanted to stay and wait. Why couldn’t he do this for him?

“I know what you’re doin’.” Joey began taking a deep breath and watching it leave his lips in a thick cloud. “And it ain’t gonna help.”

“How isn’t it?”

“Ya didn’t stay for Yuug’.”

Atem furrowed his brow, refusing to look away from the snow.

“Ya stayed cause ya wanted ta live. Wanted ta hang out, wanted ta be part of all our lives, wanted ta do all the shit ya never got ta do. Right?”

“…”

“Yuug’ woulda waited forever for ya, if that’s what ya chose.” Joey nudged him and it made him shiver more. “He’s gonna wait for ya.”

“I can’t make him do that. It isn’t fair.”

“Nah it ain’t. Ain’t fair, ain’t fuckin’ right. It’s…” Joey sucked in a sharp breath and shifted beside him. “I gotta long ass list of shit that ain’t fair. We all do. Ya can’t change it.”

“I can keep him from waiting.”

“Ya think he’d be okay with that?”

It took him a while to answer that, partly from the cold, partly from the whiskey, but mostly because he didn’t know. “He wanted to have Christmas with me this year. He talked about it all year… He missed it.”

“Ya missed it too.”

“I don’t matter.”

He felt Joey staring at him or maybe he was scowling.

“If I had left, Yuugi would still be here spending time with his family, with all of you. I would have waited an eternity for him. I wanted him to be happy.”

“He said the same shit ‘bout you all the time.”

“Yet I’m still here.”

“Yeah. Yeah ya are.” Joey ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I miss him too. Yuug’s my best friend. I still can’t believe he’s gone but I’m glad you’re here.”

Atem clenched his jaw.

“I know you’re lookin’ at this like he took your place. But we don’t wanna lose both of ya.”

“I shouldn’t be here.”

Joey nodded, resting his forearms on his knees and flicking the edge of his thumbnails. “Ya are though.”

Atem closed his eyes. Yes. Yes he was. He made this choice. He just never thought… it’d be like this. How could he have known? How could anyone have known? More silence, more cold, opening his eyes he saw more snow. There must be at least 4 inches of snow on the carpet now. Maybe a little less. Would the weak roof hold that kind of weight? “You should go Joey. I’m not changing my mind.”

He flicked his nails again, staring at the doorway he came through, his leg bouncing under his arm. Atem expected him to argue but was honestly a little surprised when Joey turned his gaze back to him, sighing. “I can’t just leave ya here.”

Maybe not. “I’m surprised you didn’t bring Kaiba with you to drag me out.”

Joey snorted and threw his head back, laughing. 

“You could have.”

“Ya really think I need help draggin’ your ass outta here? Ya weigh about as much as a cat. If I can take Princess ta the vet from Ryou’s apartment, I can take ya outta here no problem.”

Atem snickered, remembering that ‘event’ for how ridiculous it was. A simple ‘please help me take my cat to the vet’ turned into a ‘save me from getting my eyes scratched out’. All of them had scratches by the time that was over with. His smile disappeared, remembering the drive home. All of them were quiet, bandaging up their hands after insisting to Ryou they were fine. Yuugi was putting ointment on a scratch on the back of his hand, the sweetest smile spread across his face.  _ “Do you want a cat? I think we should get a cat.” _

“Draggin’ ya outta here ain’t gonna help.”

His eyes never left the snow. His thoughts never left Yuugi’s smile.

“It’s times like now that really show me how different ya both are, ya know? I wouldn’t be sittin’ here with him.”

“No… I guess not.”

Joey was quiet for a while, then shifted, chewing his lip in thought, his brows scrunched together. “I think he’d keep goin’, ya know? Goin’ on and on until he couldn’t no more. We’d have ta hope he’d drop somewhere near one ‘o us cause he’d never tell us if he was at his end er not.”

Atem hummed in agreement. 

“Lucky fer ya, Atem,” Joey said softly and nudged him with his elbow, “you’re gettin’ the drop outta the way now. ‘N I’m here.”

“I have no purpose here, Joey.”

“Sure ya do! Ya got us, ya gotta family here, and ya gotta great job ya like.”

“It’s not-”

“I just want ya ta try. Not just fer me,” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, leaning over to show Atem all the messages he’d received since the fire, the top one being from Yuugi’s mother. “She’s freakin’ out.”

Atem read through the chain of messages between them unsure how to feel about what he read. Yuugi’s mother was rightly upset, but what he didn't understand, couldn’t quite wrap his mind around was how she talked about him in those messages. 

**Ms. Mutou: [Tell him to come home.]**

**[I’ll talk some sense into him. Don’t worry!]**

**Ms. Mutou: [That’s exactly what I’m worried about.]**

**[I’ll be nice about it.]**

**Ms. Mutou: [I’d go myself but I think he’d listen to you better. I just want him to come home. We’ve both lost the greatest treasure in our lives. He shouldn’t be alone. He has family here. We’ll get through this together. I just want him to come home.]**

“Keep it.” Joey sighed and pushed himself to his feet. “I’ll be right back.”

“That is unnecessary.”

“Tough.”

Atem watched him out of the corner of his eye shuffle through the charred room out of sight. He was probably getting Kaiba or maybe just warming up. It was so cold. He couldn’t feel his fingers anymore. Was the phone warm or cold? He didn’t know.

He read that message several times over until Joey’s phone locked; an image of him and Yuugi making ridiculous faces at the camera lit up behind the time. 2:27am. 

“Are you sure?”

Atem looked up at the dark side of the room that Joey left through, swearing he heard someone’s voice that wasn’t his. He strained to hear but didn’t catch anything. Maybe he was imagining things. Setting the phone down on the ground beside him, he curled more into himself, adjusting his shoulder against the wall to lay his head against it. He was so tired, so cold. Maybe he could sleep.

Wind whistled through the hole in the roof. He tried to wrap his arms around himself tighter but a much appreciated warmth covered him. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked up just as a warm hat was placed on his head. Solomon smiled, sadly reminiscent for a moment before standing up. He rubbed his gloved hands together and looked around the charred room. “Little drafty, isn’t it?”

Atem watched him examining every nook and cranny with the same sad reminiscent smile. He wanted to toss the warm blanket and hat off, but he was so cold. Wrapping it tighter around his shoulders, he sighed. He wasn’t even strong enough to follow him.

“I was thinking about making dinner tomorrow. Hadn’t cooked for you boys in years. What do you think about that?”

He didn't know what to say. 

“I don’t know about you, but I’m suddenly craving one of those big cheeseburgers he used to make.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“Can’t quite get it right, but I can try.”

“You don’t need to.”

“Not hungry?”

He furrowed his brow, trying to decide if he was or not. When was the last time he ate? Did it matter? Wouldn’t he know?

“Honestly, I’m not either but I keep smelling them.” Solomon tisked and walked back to Atem’s side, groaning as he sank to the ground. “Figured… figured if I’m going to smell them everywhere, might as well make them, right?” 

Atem weakly laughed, smiling down at the blanket he now recognized to be Yuugi’s. Burying his nose in it, he closed his eyes breathing him in. So he didn’t lose everything that was his. “Do you think that’d work?”

“It worked when I lost Yuugi’s grandmother. Took-” Solomon sighed, “20 years, but it worked. Now I can eat caramel popcorn without crying.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Don’t knock it till you try it.”

Atem tried to laugh though it sounded like a pathetic cough. “No I meant, why would you want to move on?”

The silence made him lift his head, surprised to see Solomon so painfully serious staring back at him. “That’s a really good question.”

He knew. He’d asked himself that question all day, all week. It’s what led him here. There was no answer. Nothing good enough to justify it. Why would he want to move on? Yuugi was the best thing to ever happen to him. Period. Nothing would ever compare to him. So what was the point?

“Hmm…” Solomon scratched his beard and wrinkled his nose. For a moment, he looked a lot like Yuugi when he was thinking too hard. “Some say because there’s something better waiting for you. Others will tell you that life is a gift and every day will bring a small portion of that happiness that you had back. Time heals all wounds. But for me, I guess I haven’t really moved on at all because the reason that I’m still here is to take her with me everywhere I go. To taste all the food I know she’d love and to meet new people she’d be happy to meet. To watch my grandson grow up into the young man he  _ is _ and to see him be able to have the same gift of love that we had. She would’ve been so proud to see you both.”

“He’s gone.”

Solomon smiled, soft and sympathetic then shook his head confidently. “You and I both know that’s not true. If you think for one second that I believe you wouldn’t have watched over every breath Yuugi took, even from the field of reeds had you chosen to go there, you’re crazy.”

“I…”

“And if you think for one second that I believe Yuugi isn’t watching over you right now, you’re just as crazy.”

It was a nice thought. He wanted to believe that and it wasn’t hard to do. Not with everything they’d been through together, with everything he’d seen. Maybe Yuugi was still with him in some capacity. If he was, he’d want him to stay, so they could do everything exactly like they’d planned; together. He should stay. 

Burying his face back into the blanket, breathing in Yuugi’s scent as much as he could until the cold dulled it, he murmured, “Grandpa.”

“Hmm?”

“I want to go home.”


End file.
